The Death of MY Favorite Tree

Once upon a time, there was a tree. It was a big, beautiful tree, and many birds and small animals called it home. Then, into the neighborhood moved a woman who did not like the tree - even though the tree did nothing to her! The man with her loved the tree and cherished the beauty of this majestic blue spruce. Then one day, when the man was at work, evil was afoot...

Zack begins the slow execution

Chris has hated this tree from the moment we moved into this house. I on the other hand, have loved it. She has said over and over again how she was going to get rid of it, and one day, while I was at work, she began the evil and underhanded execution of this beautiful tree. I used to love being able to tell people to look for our house saying, "You can't miss it, it's got a HUGE pine tree in the front yard." But now... well, more on that in a minute.

The death of the tree began methodically, and purposefully. Zack was instructed to climb up the trunk and decapitate this noble specimen. You can see from the picture above, and the one below, Zack took an unusual pleasure in this gruesome task.

Zack laughing while sitting on the still sapping trunk

By the time this picture was taken, Zack had alread cut a good 10 feet off the top of the tree. And you can still see how much there was left to go.

It's a LONG way down!

The once innocent face of my son has been transformed into the ghoul-like grin of an executioner... The tree is dying, and he insists on smiling through it's pain!

Can you see the evil glint in his eye?

Then, to my horror, the local peasants revolted and joined in the demise of this stately tree! While I watched, the neighbors showed up with chainsaws and evil in their hearts! It seemed as though there would be no saving this fine specimen of spruceness.

The drawing and quartering... have you no shame?

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, yet ANOTHER neighbor showed up with a back-hoe and began his dasterdly deed of getting at the roots of the problem.

Talk about getting your legs cut out from under you!

Our neighbor Art showed up with a back-hoe to expedite the death. There just seemed to be no end to the wickedness of this neighborhood. As I watched in horror from the plate-glass windows, they struck the noble tree down.

The roots take a beating... thus the end began...

Everyone seemed so eager to see my tree disposed of. My cries of mercy went virtually unheaded. They likely couldn't be heard over the maniacal cackling of the evil mistress intent on destroying the object of my affection. What had I, let alone the tree, done to deserve such disregard?

Enter the second executioner...

It wasn't bad enough that they were cutting off the trees limbs right in front of God, King, Country, and neighborhood children, but they had to inflict the final humiliation of a public hanging. The second executioner prepared the noose as I choked back the sobs and my tears fell like rain.

"Any last words? Would you like a hood?"

The second executioner cinched the rope tight and asked if my tree had any last words, did he want a cigarette? Maybe a hood? Of course by this time the tree was in such shock that the only sound it made was an embittered and mournful sigh.

The end begins... the bloody bloody end!

As the back-hoe pulled, the stately tree resisted with all it had left. Sadly, it wasn't much, and it gave in to the relentless pressure of the noose, and the wishes of the dark queeen... who watched, with smug satisfaction on her features from the sidelines.

The ignoble end

The dirty and dastardly deed accomplished, the lifeless corpse of the noble tree was unceremoniously thrown to the curb. The cheers and cries of the evil peasantry and the maniacal cackle of the dark queen filled the air as the torn and shattered corpse was dumped in the gutter. Was I the only one who felt for this poor creature? Was I the only one in my neighborhood with a heart? Was I the only one with a sense of the cruelty and evil that had been carried out? One voice. Crying out. One unheard voice. One IGNORED voice.

The tree's final resting place... alone among it's limbs

The peasants gathered to look at it's shattered hulk and smiled. WHY! WHY? Why was it that I was the ONLY person who had loved the great blue spruce? Was there no ally? Was there no help? It had been done. The vile execution had been accomplished. The worst part of it all? The evil queen's primary henchman took the time to dance on the grave of this once noble, living creature. Where is the justice? Where is the help in time of need?

Celebrating on the grave... is there no shame?

I wonder who is next? I wonder when the evil queen and the vile peasants who blindly follow her will strike next? Is there ANY tree safe as long as she rules this land? I'm still bitter about it. But what can one man do against the plans and schemes of a determined woman? Especially when that woman is his wife? Woe is me.

This is me... take it or leave it.