Birth Family Blues

This is the only picture I have of my birth parents together. Milton is holding my oldest brother, Sterling, while NaDeen is holding my big sister Jeannie. Apparently this is when they were still happy, and hadn't ruined their lives with drugs and alcohol.

I look at my father, and I can see where I get my good looks! He was a sax player in a band. I ended up playing sax in a band. Coincidence? Hmmm... I don't know. All I can say is the genetics in this family are very strong. There is no way on earth that either NaDeen or Milton could deny we're their kids.

As I look at Milton, I can't help but wonder if there is any latino blood in me. Or maybe Mediterranian blood of some kind? Or even, maybe some native American indian! Wouldn't that be great? I should check into this... it might help me to get grants to pay off my schooling! JUST KIDDING! (I am going to check though.) When I look at pictures of NaDeen, I see my youngest son Zachary. Both of these people passed on some strong traits into our family. They also passed on the addictive personalities that have led many of their kids to struggle with smoking, drugs and alcohol. Gee, thanks Ma! Thanks Pa!

I look at these people, and feel nothing. That wasn't always the case. For a long time I hated both of them. I thought they were pathetic and worthless. I hated them for killing Jimmy by abdicating their roles in life. But then I think... who's to say that some, or more of us wouldn't have died at their hands while drunk driving, smoking in bed, or in one of their rages where they beat us with a heavy black belt? I personally believe that had we not all been adopted, the majority of us would have wound up in a gutter, illiterate or in prison.

Now, I don't feel anything. Maybe a little curiosity, but nothing. I have nothing good to say to either one of them, so it would be better for me to never speak to them. I wonder if I'll ever regret that? Who knows.

This is me... take it or leave it.