Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Our encounter with a GEN-U-WHINE U.F.O!

The other day, I was summoned from my room to the cries of my family telling me that I "had to come and see this!!" I got up as soon as I was able, and came into the living room to see them all looking out our front windows and pointing at an object in the sky...

A hushed and fearful silence fell over the family. I began wondering if we really SHOULD have bought into that whole 72 hour emergency kit craze, and whether or not I had any fire arms in the house. Then suddenly, a whole new thought entered my mind. What if this was the end?! Was Jesus comin' back to see us in a '59 Ford? Were we about to see the end of life as we knew it?? Was I going to be the next victim, ala "Men in Black" and have an inter-gallactic cockroach try and wear ME like a suit? HOLY CRAP!!

I hollared for Chris to "git the gun, woman!" Then, realizing we didn't have one, I ran for the only thing I knew I could shoot... my camera! Now, ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourself for the first genuine image of a UFO ever captured by your's truly...

The beginning of the alien horde's invasion!

As we stood looking in wonder, we noticed that the craft was hovering! It seemed to be staying in one place, and then we noticed that it was SLOWLY DESCENDING! I clenched my buttocks to keep what was inside from coming out side, and told my family to start looking for anything to defend our humble abode with! We were UNDER ATTACK! Cries of "What is it?!" "What could they want!?" "Where's the damned remote!?" echoed through the house as we watched the hovering "craft-o-death" come nearer and nearer. With trembling hands I lifted my camera and swallowing hard, I ventured another shot:

The Spaceship-0-Death turns on it's axis to align it's Phasers!

Fearing I wasn't getting a good enough shot, and in complete disregard of my personal safety or the fact that I could shortly become the outer rainment of a space bug, I ran outside, set my camera to continuous shot, and fired off a few more images. Sadly, they were blurry:

The spaceship obviously had some kind of cloaking device,
rendering my camera focus uselss. What other
terrifying technology were we facing?

The lower it got, the more afraid I became, until suddenly, I thought I could detect something protruding from the side of the craft. Images of long alien probes began flashing through my mind, sending my heart racing. "Click, click, click" I took more and more pictures. I zoomed in on the ship and the first seeds of doubt began to creep in. Something didn't look quite right...

Wait a minute... what's that there doohickey?

As the realization that this could be nothing more than a rouge mylar balloon, I took one last shot to confirm my growing suspicion. And this is what I saw:

Somewhere, someone is missing their get-well wishes.

Needless to say, my family couldn't quite decifer the angry words that slipped from my mouth as I stomped down the hall bow-legged intent on finding the box of pre-moistened medicated cleansing wipes. That's the last time I fall for the whole "HONEY, YOU HAVE TO COME SEE THIS!!"

This is truly... a life unhinged.

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