"Cottage cheese, Cottage cheese, ooohhhmmmm....

Or, "How some funky '70's style meditation and the sweet milky goodness of cottage cheese helped me through a difficult time."

Weird title, I know. When I was in high school a friend of mine told me about TM or Transcendental Meditation, and shared with me how the person used their own "mantra" and they could tune in... or something to that effect. He said that if you didn't have you're own mantra, that you could use the "universal mantra" (sort of like God's "1-800" number) "Ohm." I asked how you could get your own mantra, and he said you just come up with something. I've always been fairly sarcastic, so when he said that, I came back with, "So, if I twist myself like a pretzel, make the OK sign with my fingers, and repeat, "Cottage Cheese, Cottage Cheese, Cottage Cheese...." over and over again I'd reach Nirvana? (Hate the band, don't know why I'd want to go there!)... And, when he had stopped laughing, he said yes... pretty much.

"Straining for Nirvana!"

OK... so what does that have to do with anything? The price of rice in China? Llama's in Peru, or bagels in Tel-Aviv? Well, I'll tell you!

Since coming on-board with the VA for my medical care, they're really going the distance to properly diagnose my problems, and see if they can't put me back at 100%! I'm very happy about that! Anyway, in the course of doing this, they ordered an MRI of my hips, sacral vertebrae, and lower back." Well, I'd never been in an MRI machine, and I got a very broad range of stories about other folk's MRI's, and what I could expect. Everything from, "you better hope they knock your ass out, you'll lose your mind!" to "I felt like I was trapped and was going to die." to "the combination of claustrophobia and the loud noise made me crazy!" to "ah, just close your eyes and relax! Nothin' to it!"

The Human Sausage Stuffing Machine - AKA: M.R.I.

I had jokingly told a friend of mine that I was going to close my eyes, and simply pray the 23rd Psalm and the Lord's Prayer over and over again, and I was pretty certain I'd be OK. This friend accepted my plan with a modicum of uncertainty, but that's exactly how I survived my MRI! "They stuffed me in da machine like they was loadin' up a canoli, and commenced to examinizin' my insides." At that point, I simply closed my eyes (thanks Chris!) and began a steady slow breathing, and prayed the 23rd Psalm and the Lord's Prayer. Period.

This is a CANOLI - In case you were not aware. (HA HA! NOW YOU GET IT!)

My only complaint was that it started to get pretty hot inside the tube, and even though they had a fan blowing air down they length of it, it just got warmer and warmer. At one point I opened my eyes to see just how close I really was to the walls, and raised my thumb up only an inch or so and hit wall, so it was PLENTY tight. I decided that there was great wisdom in what my beloved had to say... "keep your eyes shut and relax..."

When I was done, I asked to see the images. I'd never had an MRI, I'd seen one, but not had one - anyway, I looked at all of the images and though I can't say for certain, it did look as though my sacral joints may have something going on (see image below, focus on circled area highlighted in blue) ... but I really can't say. I'll find out on Wed.

The Effected Area

The only other sensation to report was that on occasion, I would get these running little tickles of electricity along the areas closest to the machine wall. It was no worse than the little pads they put on you to stimulate the muscles at a chiropractor - but weird! So, a little discomfort, a tight little space, fingers in the "OK" position, and repeat after me, "Cottage Cheese, cottage cheese......"