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| Portrait of Denis Diderot by Louis-Michel van Loo - 1767 |
"There are Things I Cannot Force..."
Doesn't it seem that our lives are one long drawn out experience of trying to force our surroundings, our loved ones, our fellow beings, or our circumstances into an ideal, or a vision of perfection? Typically, we have these ideals or visions thrust upon us through religion, society, familial expectations, breeding, social standing, or economics - to name a few. Something always seems to form the ideal. While I would have to concede that most of us have been successful to one degree or another in bending our circle of influence to our ideals, we have patently failed when it came to bending other beings - other human beings - to an ideal to which they were resistant. When this happens, we call them any number of descriptor - such as "heathens," "god-less," "unenlightened," "foolish," "blind," "stubborn," etc. Why is that?
I remember a time when I thought of some people whose life choices and preferences were different from mine, as being "reprobate," "foul," "unworthy of life," or "irredeemable." I remember viewing persons who would not accept my theology as being, "unsaved," "unwashed," "sheeple," "intentionally ignorant," and "blind." I've known people who viewed others whose skin color wasn't the same as theirs as being "unvaliant," "lazy," "slothful," "dirty," "foul," and "inferior." I've seen people who treat others less economically well off as being "from the wrong side of the tracks," "unworthy of help," "getting what they deserve," "leeches," "drains on our economy," or "reprobates, unwilling to get off their asses and work."
When I think of the amount of time I've wasted in my life trying to force others into my ideal, I find myself shaking my head, and mourning the loss of time when I could have been living. When I could have been enjoying the people for who they are. When I could have been a light.
"I Must Adjust..."
I suppose the best way for me to say this - and to reach the largest portion of people to whom I know will read this - I will use a word typically used as a weapon and a tool of the religious - and that word is repent. For me to expect others to change towards me - to fit into the mold I have created, or the way of thinking to which I subscribe, would be futile. I'd be trying to force someone to think like I do. It is I who must adjust. To repent is to "recognize the wrong in something you have done, and be sorry about it" (Encarta Dictionary). So, without offense to my religious friends, I will co-opt this word - repent - and say that I recognize I've been wrong in so many ways and in so many things in my life - and I'm sorry for it. In other words, I repent. It is I who must adjust. Now don't get me wrong here - I'm not going to confessional and flailing my back with chains as I crawl on my knees to show remorse to any god or religion - instead, I'm meekly, and humbly saying I must adjust my viewpoint. I have been wrong. I repent - that is to say, I recognize I've been wrong and I'm sorry for it.
As I was driving to work this morning listening to NPR, I was struck by the horror and savagery of the world in which we live. The newscaster was talking about a recent massacre carried out on innocents in another country, on another continent - a world away - by people who would prefer to force their views and their religious zealotry and their intolerance on the people of their own country. As I listened, the thought came unbidden into my mind that we fear what we can't control and the only way to eliminate that fear is to cease our attempts to exercise control and to adjust our viewpoint of what we fear. Now I know I'm not breaking any new ground here, and there are plenty of others much more qualified to explain that thought than I am - but it stuck me as being pretty profound. I must adjust. I must change how I see what scares me, what I can't change, what I can't force.
"There are Times When the Greatest Change Needed is a Change of my Viewpoint!"
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| From thelondondiaries1.blogspot.com |
I think one of the most liberating experiences of my life came a few years back when I realized that I didn't have to accept the reality I had always known, and that I could create my own. When I realized that just because I'd been told something all my life, it didn't make it true, and I was honestly scared. Scared? Yes. Suddenly, with that thought, it was though I had taken that first step out of a perfectly good airplane to skydive for the first time, or that first terrifying step backwards off a cliff to repel down it's face. All of my common sense told me that I was okay - that I'd checked, double-checked, and even triple-checked my equipment, and that I was safe, but inside of me, my irrational self was screaming in sheer terror and shitting it's pants. And, in keeping with the metaphor, when all was said and done, and I'd made it safely to the bottom of the cliff, and the chute opened and deposited me safely on terra-firma, I found a new and thrilling emotion welling up inside of me that made me feel like I could do anything! Conquer anything! Overcome anything! And yet, I hadn't stepped out of an airplane. I hadn't repelled off a cliff. I had simply changed my viewpoint.
I realize that this sounds simple - and not necessarily in the "easy" kind of way - but more in the "Mikey needs to wear a bicycle helmet for his own protection" kind of way. And it is because it's simple that it is wholly disregarded and neglected. How many of us have belonged to groups or mindsets that would have us only see the evil in the world around us and in our fellow man? To be bogged down in the traditions, the liturgies, the practices that have created the evil we abhor? How many of us have looked at our fellow man and judged them inferior or unworthy of our attentions and care because their skin was a different color, their clothing wasn't clean, their god wasn't our god, their values didn't match our own? How many opportunities for joy, peace, and mutual trust were lost because they were different? How many of us are in need of a simple change of viewpoint? I know I am. Let it begin with me.
"There are things I cannot force. I must adjust. There are times when the greatest change needed is a change of my viewpoint." Denis Diderot 1713 - 1784
"I think one of the most liberating experiences of my life came a few years back when I realized that I didn't have to accept the reality I had always known, and that I could create my own. When I realized that just because I'd been told something all my life, it didn't make it true, and I was honestly scared."
ReplyDeleteIndeed! The most liberating moment of my life. And terribly frightening too, to have realized so much personal responsibility. And then gratitude. For. . .well, everything!