"Cottage cheese, Cottage cheese, ooohhhmmmm....

Or, "How some funky '70's style meditation and the sweet milky goodness of cottage cheese helped me through a difficult time."

Weird title, I know. When I was in high school a friend of mine told me about TM or Transcendental Meditation, and shared with me how the person used their own "mantra" and they could tune in... or something to that effect. He said that if you didn't have you're own mantra, that you could use the "universal mantra" (sort of like God's "1-800" number) "Ohm." I asked how you could get your own mantra, and he said you just come up with something. I've always been fairly sarcastic, so when he said that, I came back with, "So, if I twist myself like a pretzel, make the OK sign with my fingers, and repeat, "Cottage Cheese, Cottage Cheese, Cottage Cheese...." over and over again I'd reach Nirvana? (Hate the band, don't know why I'd want to go there!)... And, when he had stopped laughing, he said yes... pretty much.

"Straining for Nirvana!"

OK... so what does that have to do with anything? The price of rice in China? Llama's in Peru, or bagels in Tel-Aviv? Well, I'll tell you!

Since coming on-board with the VA for my medical care, they're really going the distance to properly diagnose my problems, and see if they can't put me back at 100%! I'm very happy about that! Anyway, in the course of doing this, they ordered an MRI of my hips, sacral vertebrae, and lower back." Well, I'd never been in an MRI machine, and I got a very broad range of stories about other folk's MRI's, and what I could expect. Everything from, "you better hope they knock your ass out, you'll lose your mind!" to "I felt like I was trapped and was going to die." to "the combination of claustrophobia and the loud noise made me crazy!" to "ah, just close your eyes and relax! Nothin' to it!"

The Human Sausage Stuffing Machine - AKA: M.R.I.

I had jokingly told a friend of mine that I was going to close my eyes, and simply pray the 23rd Psalm and the Lord's Prayer over and over again, and I was pretty certain I'd be OK. This friend accepted my plan with a modicum of uncertainty, but that's exactly how I survived my MRI! "They stuffed me in da machine like they was loadin' up a canoli, and commenced to examinizin' my insides." At that point, I simply closed my eyes (thanks Chris!) and began a steady slow breathing, and prayed the 23rd Psalm and the Lord's Prayer. Period.

This is a CANOLI - In case you were not aware. (HA HA! NOW YOU GET IT!)

My only complaint was that it started to get pretty hot inside the tube, and even though they had a fan blowing air down they length of it, it just got warmer and warmer. At one point I opened my eyes to see just how close I really was to the walls, and raised my thumb up only an inch or so and hit wall, so it was PLENTY tight. I decided that there was great wisdom in what my beloved had to say... "keep your eyes shut and relax..."

When I was done, I asked to see the images. I'd never had an MRI, I'd seen one, but not had one - anyway, I looked at all of the images and though I can't say for certain, it did look as though my sacral joints may have something going on (see image below, focus on circled area highlighted in blue) ... but I really can't say. I'll find out on Wed.

The Effected Area

The only other sensation to report was that on occasion, I would get these running little tickles of electricity along the areas closest to the machine wall. It was no worse than the little pads they put on you to stimulate the muscles at a chiropractor - but weird! So, a little discomfort, a tight little space, fingers in the "OK" position, and repeat after me, "Cottage Cheese, cottage cheese......"

This Picture Pretty Much Says it All

I've often believed in just such a scenario. Much like ancient Rome... it didn't need the Goths to destroy it; it had long since decayed on the inside.

The VERY BEST kind of Entry for a Blog!

We go together, like peas in a pod!

Today is our twenty-sixth wedding anniversary!

There is nothing I'd rather write about today than my love for Christine Mareah Davis Hunter! I am so very fortunate to have her. If you know us, you'll understand that statement. I have been given the greatest gift and blessing a man can ever hope for - a beautiful, gracious, lovely and hot sweetheart for life!

My favorite picture of Chris and I

The 25th anniversary is the Silver anniversary - and true to form, it didn't come off in our lives as being anything super special. Chris and I have always played our anniversary very low key for numerous reasons - we forget (Chris more than I believe it or not!), we're tired, we're always broke, or any other myriad of reasons... but not this year. I don't have money. I don't have an extravagant gift to give you - as much as I wish I did. But I have talent in writing. I have words in my heart. I have a venue where anyone in the world can pop on and see how much I love Chris! And Chris can know how proud of her and how wonderful she is in front of all mankind! OK, so it's not silver - so what! I want to focus on the next anniversary.

The next anniversary that gets a "material" assigned to it is the thirtieth, and that material is PEARL. Chris, I am looking forward to the Pearl anniversary because of it's lovely symbolism. A pearl begins typically as a grain of sand, or some other such irritant which gets lodged in the mantle of an oyster. It begins as a small, seemingly nothing speck of sand. Then, as the years progress, the irritation causes the oyster to slowly build up layer upon layer, the lustrous shining pearl. Our marriage is like that. We were one of many couples married that month, that year. And our lives together were very much like many other newlyweds. But there was something wonderful going on in ours... instead of throwing out the irritant at the first sign of struggle, we came together and built on our irritations and by doing so, we built up layer upon layer of beautiful, precious material that shines to our friends and family, and binds us together. I think they made the 30th anniversary a pearl for a reason - it shows determination, hard work, and viewing marital irritants as opportunities for growing together, rather than a source of destruction. If there was ever a jewel to describe our marriage, the pearl is it!

The oyster lives in dangerous waters where it is open to predators, pearl divers, storms and other potential disasters. In spite of all that is pounding away on marriage from the outside, like an oyster, good marriages have a husband and wife that will come together like the halves of an oyster, and protect the soft flesh of love and relationship inside, and especially the pearl signifying our growth and life together, deep inside. Marriage in this country has taken a beating - and if you look at the shell of any oyster, it's anything BUT beautiful. Living in rocky, surf beaten shoals has a way of doing that! And like a lot of people, many would look at the outside of an oyster, and seeing the course shell, the seaweed, and algae, would consider it worthless as an institution, and throw it callously aside - and never stop to consider the potential within.

Chris's and my marriage has been anything but idyllic. Sure, we've had wonderfully passionate moments, a few-fairy-tale like times, and our share of sunsets to enjoy with each other, but Ward and June Cleaver we ain't. Chris is one of six girls in a family of 9 kids. Those of us men fortunate enough to have snagged us a "Davis Woman" found out quick that we had one of the most bull-headed, stubborn, and down-right aggressive females the world had to offer on our hands! She is determined, stubborn, focused and driven. I found out early on that the sheer amount of effort it took to engage in a drawn out fight with Chris was too taxing, and gave up trying to win!

My little sister Lisa and Chris... They're much alike

Which isn't to say that Chris wears the pants in our family - quite the opposite... it's just that Chris doesn't like being told what to do... in fact, she's told me that the word, "NO" to her is much like waving a red cape in front of a bull. It's irresistible - she absolutely MUST do what she wants at this point simply to prove the point that, "ain't no man gonna tell me what I will and will not do. Uh uh - no way, no how, sistah!" (Add your own head bobbing, finger snappin, big eyes, and pursed lips - or look at the gal to the right to get the attitude!) So, I'm no dummy... I figured out how to please my wife - I rarely if EVER say "No" to her! But not why you think... and here's why - Chris is so considerate of me, of our situation, of our fiances etc, that she never asks me without first knowing every single detail of why, and if we can afford it, etc. etc. And I trust her that she has our best interests at heart, so I know it's alright, so I say yes. I trust her. I trust her as much as I love her.

Anyway - sorry for the ramblings here, and to finish the oyster/pearl thing... We've taken the obstacles in our life, and have come together to form something lasting, beautiful, and of great value and worth. I love you Chris!

I recently wrote a poem about how much I love Chris and posted it on PoemHunter on the web. A little old lady (named Mildred - come on... she HAS to be old!) wrote a comment on the poem saying I must do a lot of looking to see all this detail. It's simply called "Chris."

Chris

Simple grace found in a sweet round face;
Eyes that sparkle with mischief and joy;
Cheeks red with passionate blood, and a smile.
O, the smile which always steals away my breath and pain.

Belly laughs from a belly large with life and love;
Eyebrows making question marks as her eyes sparkle
with tears of joy. Her nostrils flare with mirth in a
way I can never imitate!

Hands that knit as easily as they pull weeds, or
make keepsakes for ones she loves. Hands that know
the art of compassion and loving touch - bringing assurance
and peace in a troubled, fisted world.

All are bound up and make up the heartbeat of my life.
The very presence of her makes my life take focus and
assume purpose. It's my luck that these eyes, hands and
softness love me back.

My Muse, and the Love of My Life!

I've also taken some time, being that this is our 26th Anniversary, to write down 26 things that I love about Chris. I could come up with lots more, but this is just a start... afterall, we have a lot more life to make even more!

26 reasons why I love Chris.

1. Chris is not afraid to be adventurous with fashion.(Her zebra shirt will live in infamy.)
2. Chris is not a gal that you can run over the top of. (I know there has to be a black woman inside her somewhere -- when she gets mad her head starts bobbing and attitude oozes out of her.)
3. Chris attracts people to her. I've never known anyone who people want to touch or be around more than Chris. (While we were doing Shiloh, I may have been the pastor, but Chris was the source of comfort for most people who came to church there).
4. Chris is an amazing mother. Everything from homeschooling to simply go for our children has been done with grace, determination, excellence and finesse. Our children have a tremendous example in their mother.
5. Chris is genuine and gentle. She has a tough exterior, and inside her heart is very gentle and very vulnerable. Too many times I have hurt her. I wish I could take it back now. With Chris, what you see is what you get, there is no pretense.
6. Chris is amazingly intelligent. For the longest time, she didn't think she was smart, but her grades in school show that she truly is a genius. Not only is she smart, but she's also intelligent. What I mean by that is, she has great common sense.
7. Chris is a genuine artist. While other people who engage in scrapbooking and crafts make it look like something that came out of a Mormon bazaar, Chris has a true flair and artistic ability that comes through in everything she does. All of her projects are of such quality that it's hard to believe she is not a professional.
8. Chris is a powerful woman. Chris has a very strong sense of who she is. She does not rely on other people for her own identity. She is strong. She is self-aware, and she is confident.
9. Chris has the rare quality of being beautiful inside and out. She thinks I'm joking when I call her my Venus, but I'm not. After all these years, she takes my breath away, and I cannot believe that I am fortunate enough to have her as my wife. Not only is she beautiful on the outside, but she's the most beautiful person I know on the inside. I honestly wish I could be more like her. The things that make her beautiful, are her gentleness, her sincerity and her humor. She is so attractive on so many levels it is very hard to articulate what makes her so beautiful. But she is, and I'm glad she's mine.
10. I love how Chris helps me to be a better man. Without her I would be a self-centered obnoxious jerk. Like I used to be. Being around Chris makes me want to be a better man.
11. I love how Chris is others centered. Chris has always put others before herself. She has shown me what it's like to love unconditionally.
12. I love that Chris knows how to use power tools. It seems a reversal of roles and it is. But I am glad she knows how to repair things. There are so many things that would be broken still today were it not for her skills.
13. I love the raccoon in Chris. I think it's hilarious that she loves shiny things, and how she spirits them away. It's a good thing she's not really a critter or she'd be stuck in a trap right now.
14. I love how Chris loves her family. No matter how they treat her she is always kind and gentle with them. When they need to have someone be strong with them, she is. Chris is a master of tough love. But it's never administered unfairly. She is very consistent with how she loves her family.
15. I love how Chris isn't like her family. Sometimes when I look at her, it's hard for me to believe that she is from the same family. When her family is acting like the Clampitt's, I just sit there and scratch my head, wondering where in the world Chris came from. (And thanking God at the same time!).
16. I love how unselfish Chris is. She is going to school now so that I don't have to work later on if my body won't let me. That is real sacrificial love. I wish I knew how to do that.
17. I love how Chris gets excited about what she's reading. I may not want to hear about microbiology, but when she's excited about it it's hard not to listen.
18. I love how Chris treats animals. When we first met Chris did not like dogs, she would pat them on the head and then go wash her hands. Now she can't live without them. Her dream is to own a ranch somewhere where she can have a hundred dogs. I love watching her with Zim and Bambi. As soon as her lap appears, so do they.
19. I love Chris's needlework and handiwork. Every time I come up the stairs and look at the Angel in the frame, I'm stunned.
20. I love Chris thinks about the future. I enjoy talking about seeing Venice and Rome. I love talking about seeing Europe together. I really hope and pray that someday will be able to do it.
21. I love Chris's sense of wonder. When we were on Guam and would snorkel, I could see the joy in her eyes. I remember sharing the beauty of nature together, and watching the sun set at Agana Beach.
22. I love how excited Chris gets over gadgets. From her very first microwave oven on Guam to all the little craft gadgets she has to have, she is definitely a gadget junkie. Between her power tools and her electronic gadgets, she truly is a 21st-century woman.
23. I love how Chris cries over shows like Extreme Home Makeover. Chris has an amazing heart. She's so tender and loving inside, that when she sees others' struggles, she's moved to compassion for them.
24. I love to watch Chris with her kids. Our kids are SO lucky. I hope they know that. They have - hands down, the best mother that ever graced the face of the earth. I've always been in awe of Chris and the fact that all of our kids - aged 25, 22, and 19 will all still climb into her lap and love on her. The kids will tell their mother anything... and know that she loves them just the same. Amazing.
25. I love how determined Chris is. Let me share with you how much Chris routinely has on her plate. College classes - her's and Zach's. Untold HOURS of intense study. Tutoring responsibilities. Teaching responsibilities at SLCC. Cleaning the house. Paying the bills and taking care of finances. Repairing things on the fly. Caring for others. Supporting our kids activities. Being a full time mother, wife, and companion. All of this but scratches the surface. But here's the amazing thing - she maintains a 4.0 GPA, the house, her kids, her schedules, her family... and nary breaks a sweat. I'm certain she has super hero underwear on every day!
26. I love that Chris loves me. There's nothing in the world as sweet as knowing someone loves you completely. Chris loves me completely. It causes me to tear up, and thank God that she is mine, that she is my blessing, she is the love of my life. There's nothing in this world that will ever take her place in my heart. She is my Venus. I love her!

My Family - and the kids who adore their Mom!

I could go on and on - and maybe I will another time, but for now, I just want to say this to Chris:

My darling,

My soul is complete because of you. I am so grateful for everything you are to me - for all you do for me - for all you mean to me. I don't deserve you that much I know - but I want to spend the rest of life with you, to grow old with you, to be with you always, and to make you know that I may not deserve you, but I love you, and will for the rest of my days and beyond.

With all the pearl-building love I can muster,

Mike - Thanks Chris.

All of this, sealed with a kiss!

"Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.
Rejoice in the wife of your youth.
She is a loving deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts satisfy you always,
May you always be captivated by her love!"
Proverbs 5:18-19

"A worthy wife is a crown for her husband."
Proverbs 12:4

"A wise woman builds her home."
Proverbs 14:1

"The man who finds a wife finds a treasure,
and he receives favor from the Lord!"
Proverbs 18:22

"Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
She is more precious that rubies (or pearls!)
Her husband can trust her,
and she will greatly enrich his life!
She brings him good, no harm,
all the days of her life...
She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future.
When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness.
She carefully watches everything in her household,
and suffers nothing from laziness.
Her children stand and bless her.
Her husband praises her,
'There are many virtuous and capable women
in the world, but you SURPASS THEM ALL!' "
Proverbs 31:10-12; 25-29

"A quarrelsome wife is as annoying
as constant dripping on a raining day.
Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind,
or trying to hold something with greased hands."
Proverbs 27:15-16

I love you Chris. Happy Anniversary! And let's keep up the irritation so we can build a beautiful legacy for our kids to follow!

With ALL of my love - all for you ALONE,

Mike

All I can say is, "It was a BLAST"

It's been some time since I told on myself! But after talking to a good friend of mine today, I figured it was time to let the world know that this reporter has been through the fires of adversity and made it out the other side - without eyebrows maybe, but made it nonetheless!

Guy - my friend - and I talked today, and he shared how he almost blasted himself into the great beyond by using a match to find a gas leak in his water heater! When he described the thudding explosion, the blue flames of death blasting past his face, and the unique smell of burned eyebrows, I could hardly stop laughing! I'd found a real soul mate! I thought I was the only one!

Our fireplace was sort of like this one... except ours opened like and oven!

Let me take you back to the winter of 1983. Chris and I had only been married for a few weeks, and we were living in LaVerkin in southern Utah. That winter was an exceptionally cold and wet one, and the only source of heat in the apartment we lived in was a fairly large wood burning stove. Now I'd gotten pretty good at remembering to bring wood in from the outside every night so it could dry out, but I had forgotten the night before this memorable event. One of the first purchases in our newlywed life was a full chord of firewood - knowing the winter was going to be cold! On this particular day, I'd forgotten to bring wood in the house to dry out, and we needed a fire. Remember with me if you will...

I went outside of the house, into a freezing rain storm, and brought in as big an armload of wood as I could carry. Of course, it was soaked. Typically when this would happen, I would find my trusty can of charcoal lighter fluid, and douse the wood, paper and kindling to get a FAST cheery fire going. But alas, this day would dawn with two cold newlyweds, a wet load of fire wood, and an empty can of Kingsford Lighter Fluid. DAMN!

Chris was still under the covers, and I was doing my damndest to be the good husband and make the place warm, so I embarked on a scavenger hunt through the house to try to find something flammable! Under the sink I found dish soap, bleach, Ajax - nope, nothing flammable! In the broom closet I found Pine-Sol, but nothing that would burn. Finally, in the bathroom cupboard I came across a bottle of fingernail polish remover - with a BIG WARNING in RED letters to keep it away from open flame! (A word to the wise - they put those warnings on bottles like that for a REASON! For the love of God and all that is flammable, HEED THEM!) Needless to say, I was excited about my explosive find, and quickly made for the living room.

To get an idea of this stove, it was wider than it was tall, and the door opened live an oven door, down and towards you. Because it was low, the only way to really load it, or start a fire was by kneeling on the floor in front of the opening. This will be important in a minute...

Being a Boy Scout, I know a thing or two about fire craft and such, so I made a nice little "log cabin" form out of the smaller wood, and filled the inside of it with newspaper. Around this, I arranged a few other bigger pieces... AHHH All was set for a nice cheery fire! I made sure I had the wooden matches next to me before I expertly spun the lid off the lemon scented polish remover, and liberally poured the whole bottle over the top of my stylish little cabin-of-warmth. I put the lid back on the bottle, picked up the box of matches, and while kneeling down, leaning towards the wood in the stove, I confidently struck the match and reached forward to...

Have I expressed how important it is to HEED the warnings on labels of household goods? You know, you can never be careful enough. Make sure from now on if something says, "don't drink this stuff," then DON'T DRINK IT! Likewise, if it says, "KEEP AWAY FROM OPEN FLAMES," there a pretty damn good reason for it! OK? Are we clear? OK? Alright, back to my story...


I confidently struck the match and reached forward to light the wood when there was a sudden, earth-shattering KABOOM - and I mean a K-A-B-O-O-M! and a wall of blue, angry, face-searing fire came flying towards the match, my arm, my face, and well... ME! In the micro-nano second before I consciously registered the explosion, and saw that wall of flame, I had a fleeting thought - it's really amazing I still remember it, given the circumstances, but as I was kneeling before the cast iron implement of moron reduction, I thought, "you know Mike, this could be a bad idea..." Of course such logic was a tad too late, as the rapidly exploding ACETONE vapors, made quick work of the hair on my arm, my eyebrows, my wanna-be mustache, and a ring of hair around my face!

I know it wasn't nuclear, but the explosion made me wonder if I'd ended the world...!

I was still kneeling before the fireplace, a smoking match in my hand - which was still held out to the soaking wet wood, when Chris came flying around the corner from the bedroom. I was frozen in position before the open door, my face smoking, little bits of my hair crisping and falling away, and capable of only one sound, "bluh bluh bluh..." spoken reverently and quietly to the wood, kindling, and newspaper that were not even slightly WARMED by the damned explosion!! Chris demanded to know what happened, but before I could explain, she took in the empty nail polish remover bottle, the wet wood, the smoking match, and her husband who found out that day that sphincter contol is a HIGHLY OVERRATED ABILITY, and broke into hysterical laughter... all at my expense... and richly deserved I may add!

My small inner child looked like this during my adventure!

My ears were still ringing several hours later as my darling and I sat on the couch in our cold little apartment and tried to figure out if a "comb-over" would hide eyebrows! - It didn't. I learned a valuable lesson that day however. NO, I haven't stopped using too much lighter fluid! - just ask Chris! I learned that if you're going to do something this stupid, it's better to do it alone where no one can laugh at you, and where no one else will have the same memory of you, on your knees, shaking to beat the band, and watching the little crispies that were once your eyebrows rain down like soft goose-down on your bewildered upper lip - devoid of a struggling mustache! I also learned that I was lucky not to have come out of this looking like Freddy Krueger!


So, today when I found out that Guy nearly blew himself into the great beyond, I felt an instant bond appear between us. We've faced the angry blue flames of death together, and have lived to tell the tale... Even if we have to tell it with no eyebrows!