I'm Grateful that SOMEONE Knows What's Going On!

I've stepped back from myself and have realized that I'm getting depressed. I've been asking myself why I was let go, why no one will tell me the "real" reasons why - or why they chose me. I've tried very hard to stay away from anger, knowing that it will only come back on me to roost, and I've tried very hard to not become vindictive or bitter, but to trust that God has this in control, and that it's part of a plan. Can I just tell you, it's hard to hold on to that sometimes?

I don't want to be depressed. It hurts, honestly. Stress adds to my pain. Depression adds to my pain. Frustration adds to my pain. Pain makes me more stressed, frustrated, and depressed. Talk about a vicious circle! Those of you who experience constant pain know of what I'm speaking.

Not too far from how I'm feeling!

Well, today as I was in the Word, and spending some time whining to God... What, you never whine to God? Come on! We all do it! ANYway... as I was whining to God this morning, I kept hearing a snippet of scripture rattle through my mind... "... I know the plans I have for you... something something something... to prosper... something something something..." And I couldn't pull it out of my head for love or money. When I started pulling down the bibles and opening up the study software, I finally found it - Jeremiah 29:11 - 14a. It gave me hope... and it helped my depression... and it put my thoughts back on where they need to be... Jesus Christ.

The passage says,

"...For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me. I will be found by you,” says the LORD.

Wow. Abba Father has a plan for me. Not only that, but it's not one of disaster! In addition, it's one that will GIVE ME A FUTURE AND A HOPE! Incredibly, He'll listen! If I look for Him, I WILL find him! In fact, God's so sure of that, he says it again, "I WILL BE FOUND BY YOU!" Wow. Is it just me, or do you sometimes read things like that and ask yourself, "why was I whining? What was I worrying about? What a putz!" I did. I'm not a works salvation guy... it's just not biblical... but I am a salvation works guy... once saved, you've got a lot to do. While I know that God has a plan, it takes me to do the things that will produce a result. Like planting a field... if I don't plant the seeds, no matter how much God has a great plan for a harvest from that field, NOTHING IS GOING TO GROW. I need to sow the seeds of my success and then trust that my "Papa" will provide the harvest. Isn't that how it always works? Wow.

Day before yesterday I took a mental health break and read the book, "The Shack" by William P. Young. It's not a big book. I read it in one sitting - through and through. If you've never read it, may I suggest that you should? It will change your life! Anyway, as I read it, I realized that "Papa", or "Abba" is extremely fond of ME. And I also realized that while things are not always "mountain peak" experiences, I'm alright in spite of my pain. That reminds me of something. A very wise brother in the Lord, Kirk Jackson - a brother who helped me find Jesus while in the Air Force - told me once that we all want to live on the mountain peaks, but God does all his work in the valleys. Well Kirk, I'm in a deep dark valley, and Dr. God is doing surgery, and it hurts. Do I trust Him? Certainly I do. Does it give me hope? Amazingly, it does.

It's all part of the journey. It's all part of HIS plan... I pray that He'll give me the strength, endurance, and joy to see it through.

Blessings!