I saw a new doctor...

I went and saw a new rheumatologist yesterday. It took me six months to get in to see him, and yeah, it was worth the wait, but I always get a bit discouraged when I go. We're going to get to the bottom of the issue instead of just throwing more medications at it.

I wrote the following poem in response to my frustrations:

The New Malady

So, another doctor threw his hat into the ring today.
Tall and gaunt with a tender touch, he seemed OK,
but who can know? Right away it's, 'I'm not convinced
what we're looking at here is AS, ' 'WE'RE? ! ? ' WHO? Me and you?
You and your evil alter-ego? Why not just say,
'I think you're full of it, and looking for ways to get drugs! '?

Without reason, and before he even touched me, I'd
begun to panic. Everyone aside from ONE doctor wants
to put another polysyllabic symptom and 'Dx' on my chart -
another gooey hunk of medical arts taffy sure to pull money
from my wallet as readily as it sucks the fillings
from my teeth.

'No, what I think you have is 'youllneverbeabletopaymybillsitis, '
it's not as rare as you might think, and it manifests itself
with extreme lower extremity pain, normally localized in your rectum,
and complicated by an extreme lack of natural or artificial
lubrication as I - as your doctor, the system, and most of all,
your insurance company gives it to you high and hard,
and you know, the more I look at you, the more I feel like,
damn if it don't look like it might be terminal!

'Hmmm let's see, that'll be - 'thirtysevenhundreddollarspayableincashcashierscheck
oryourfirstchildwhichevercomesfirst' - thank you very much! '

Um... excuse me doc? Can we go back to AS again?

Please?

'I'm sorry son, did you say something? I couldn't hear you over
the noise my bank account was making in my ear? '

Please? Go back? To...? oh hell, never mind...

It seems as though the medical professions are so helpful, but have their hands tied by HMOs and insurance companies - the largest legalized piracy on earth.

Unhinged... of course!