Guess what?! The Well is STILL full of LIVING WATER!

You know, there are just times when you have to "man-up" and call it like it is... and in the spirit of doing so, I have a confession: I have neglected to gather together with the saints - "...let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near..." (Heb. 10:25) My reasons for doing so are my own, and believe me, they're as lame as you assume them to be - but today, I took that first step to put aside my flesh, and my feelings, and my dislikes, and my fear, and I went to church.

City Church is a new little church meeting in a strip mall. They've done a great job with their space, and the worship is awesome. It allows for reverent soul-searching moments, as well as the fist-pumping excitement that comes from knowing you're redeemed. It's only the second time I've gone there - the first being with Guy Adams, one of my best friends - and today they had a guest speaker. Was it perfect? Was it everything I hoped it would be to supernaturally drag me back into the presence of the King? Well, no - but it was good. And I learned some things, and most importantly, God met me there - and laid His Word on my heart... and I came away more in His presence than I have been in some time.

Why now? Why did I choose to do this today? Well, the answer to that is two-fold. First, I've been blessed to be able to write a column for Examiner.com - covering the Christian scene in Salt Lake City - I'm the Salt Lake Christianity Examiner. Now you tell me... how effective do you think I'll be in that position if I'm not plugged into the body of believers in Salt Lake? Not very effective at all.

Second, the reason I chose now, is I'm tired of using all my past hurts and disappointments as an excuse to exclude corporate worship from my agenda. It's true, I love being anonymous at City Church... little or no baggage comes with sitting there listening to the pastor - but if the truth is to be known, I love Jesus Christ. I'm a believer. I'm saved by the blood of the Lamb, and my name is written in the Lamb's book of Life... this I know. So today for me was more than just covering a beat... it was reconnecting in a public way with the Savior of the world - who died for me. Hebrews 12:1-4 says, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge cloud of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting Him, He endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now He is seated in the place of honor beside God's throne. Think of all the hostility He endured from sinful people; then you won't become weary and give up. After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin." Yes, after all, I haven't yet given my life in my struggle against sin. And in spite of all of this, I can go to the well, and still receive living water!

I'm NOT saying I'm wonderful, or that I deserve some kind of praise for getting off my spiritual duff and giving my Lord His due in my life. I'm confessing my sin and my lack of endurance, and sharing this one small victory I had in the Lord. I'll be blunt. Today's service wasn't a memorable one - one that will live in my heart as a "most impacting spiritual experience ever!" Factually, I'll likely forget everything in due time - but what all of this signifies is a step in obedience to Him - who has done so very much for me.

Yes, it's a journey - and I'm not alone. Come Lord Jesus, Come!

I have fear... and I get what it means...

Well, today's the big day. I have an interview with a wonderful international company called "The Waterford Group." The position is for an instructional designer. I can do the job - no doubt about it, but it's a little frightening to be going to an interview. I've had very FEW interviews in my life - having been fortunate enough to be able to go from one position to another through my network, or by word of mouth, or by popular demand. So yes, I'm scared.

This is how I'm feeling inside...

I am trying not to give into fear. But if I can be so honest and straight forward with you, it just seems that it's all too good... that things are coming together for me... and I don't want to jinx it. I don't even believe in things being jinxed, but being an avid baseball fan, I know better than to disrespect the streak. I am qualified. I can do the job. I trust that God has his plans for me... that they're good plans... that He isn't out to keep me down, hurting and unemployed.

Speaking of God... every time I start getting freaked out, I hear in the back of my head, "You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, for he trusts you." (Isaiah 26:3) I guess this is called stepping out in faith... I'll let you know how that works out!

Thank you Linz for helping me make this happen. Thank you Chris for your words of encouragement. Thanks Rob and Guy for your prayers. Thanks all of you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. Most of all, thank you God. There's too much to say thank you for Lord, but I know you know what I mean.

It's a journey!

I've got a writing gig I'm excited about!

I recently was accepted as the new Salt Lake Christianity Examiner for Examiner.com! I am really excited about the opportunities it will afford me within the local Christian community, and amongst those I fellowship with and love.

You can view the Salt Lake Examiner by simply typing in "www.examiner.com" and Examiner will automatically load the closest city to you. You'll be able to find my articles and my homepage on their site here.

I'm contracted to write three or four articles a week, and those of you who know me, and would like to offer a suggestion for a story, please let me know!

I'm excited... and I'm looking forward to the future!

Where to begin with all that's happened?

Ahhhh - The Breakfast of Champions!

I've been horribly lax in keeping up this blog, as well as keeping up my personal journal, and in keeping in touch with my loved ones and friends. I can't, nor will I post an excuse - I really don't have one other than those you've heard a thousand times before.

So - let's catch up, shall we?

My last post about a fatty liver wasn't well received by a lot of people. I sort of sprung it on everyone, and just let it sit. I didn't call anyone to tell them about it, and I didn't go beyond that post much because so much is up in the air. Update on the fatty liver - I'm going in on the 11th of May to see the liver specialist up at the VA and possibly have a biopsy done. I'll know more then. I do know that this certainly signals the start of a new life of diet and exercise. The good news is that Chris wants to do this together, so that will be more helpful.

Where am I now? Well, I've been flaring with the wave-like pattern of stormy weather we've been having, which has quite nicely done two things to me: First, it's caused me to have to take more meds that I like, resulting in excessive fatigue, and irritability. Second, it's made me even more determined to get to the bottom of my diagnosis, and get on track to getting my life back.

OK - here's the new stuff: The doctors at the VA have taken extensive x-rays, performed a CAT scan, and an MRI of by spine and lumbar, and hips and pelvis. From all appearances, they have concluded that aside from some arthritis is my back, it would seem I am AS free. This is awesome! But at the same time, it's disconcerting, because AS seemed to explain the pain, stiffness, energy loss etc. The latest shot in the dark is going to follow a two fold track - first, they're going to begin MEGA doses of vitamin D - of which I have a severe deficiency. Apparently, a severe Vit D deficiency can cause your bones to lose calcium - well, my body can't absorb calcium from my food etc, so it's been robbing my bones for it. The doctor said this could account for the extreme bone and joint pain. In addition, they've told me that the initial sarcoidosis attack that started all of this SEVEN YEARS AGO, likely caused my body to develop a case of Fibromyalgia (FM). So, they plan to treat the bone loss, and Vit D. deficiency, and attack the FM with some of the latest meds they've come out with.

Now, many of you will ask, "Why haven't you said anything about this!? This is exciting!?" Well, I know it sounds corny, but I didn't want to believe it could be so easy. After all these years and tests, for it to come down to a vitamin deficiency and FM, just seemed to miraculous. And frankly, I didn't want to jinx things by saying this is what it is. Unless you've been here, you may not understand that one... Frankly, I'm having a hard time believing it too. I'll have to see how I feel after the mega vitamin D gets here and I start down that path. It's almost too much to hope for that I could again lead a normal life - mostly free of pain, and fatigue! It's just almost too much to even hope for!

So - the fatty liver may or may not be a problem. It could be controlled through diet and exercise, or, it could be controlled by dropping some of the many medications I hopefully won't need in the near future. I can't imagine how hard my liver must be working to process all the narcotics and chemicals in my system... ugh! The doctor said that some people live all their lives with a fatty liver and it never harms them. Hopefully, we've caught this in time and there's no lasting damage!

There you go. You're caught up. To those I've hurt by being so unavailable, I offer my sincere apologies. This is what happens when you're living my life and taking my journey. Thanks for being patient. Below is an apology recorded just for you!

A Fatty liver? - WHAT THE HELL?

I came back from the Doctor yesterday, and without putting much thought into it, I vented on Facebook, and ended up freaking a whole lot of people out... The doc was concerned about the high liver count I had, and while I'm free of Hep C or Hep B, it turns out that I have a "fatty liver" which, according to the doctor, isn't good. I'm being seen by the liver specialists up at the VA - don't know when yet, they have to call me.

While doing some reading on the whole mess, of course there is the OMG, the world is coming to an end, scenario, and just as interesting, it could completely resolve itself with changes in diet, and exercise, and avoiding alcohol - which I pretty much do already.

Being that I don't drink to speak of, the doctor asked if I had been a heavy drinker in the past. I told him of when I was stationed in Iceland, and how of the 365 days I was up there, I drank to intoxication almost every one of those days - but when I came home, I literally just stopped. I asked if that could have done this, and he said he didn't know. I asked if this could be the result of my liver trying to process all the damn chemicals I have to take every day, and he said it very well could be the reason... in other words, it's entirely possible that the meds I'm taking to give me a somewhat quality of life, could be killing my liver, and hastening the inevitable.

I've had time to digest it a little bit, and while I'm not dispairing of life, I am pissed. I am SO SICK of this shit. I want to scream. I am really really sick of this bullshit. I'm pissed. There it is.

I don't have much more to share regarding the Dx, as they haven't told me anything definitive, but the doc showed me my liver on my CAT scan and my MRI, and what should be a dark mass, looks likght grey, with lots of spots through it... If left unchecked, it can cause scarring and eventual cirrhosis of the liver - where so much scar tissue is present, that the liver cannot function any longer - possibly requiring a transplant. The Doc's exact words when he was looking at my liver in the images was, "Hmmm that's not good."

So, while I'm not dead yet, my body systems seem to be failing me. I'm having a very hard time seeing the glass half full right now.

The symptom is called NAFLD - or Non Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease, or "NAFLD" - the danger being that it could turn into "NASH" - Non Alcoholic SteatoHepatitis. Here are some details:

"NAFLD refers to a group of conditions where there is accumulation of excess fat in the liver of people who drink little or no alcohol. The most common form of NAFLD is a non serious condition called fatty liver. In fatty liver, fat accumulates in the liver cells. Although having fat in the liver is not normal, by itself it probably does not damage the liver. A small group of people with NAFLD may have a more serious condition named non-alcoholic steatohepatitis (NASH). In NASH, fat accumulation is associated with liver cell inflammation and different degrees of scarring. NASH is a potentially serious condition that may lead to severe liver scarring and cirrhosis. Cirrhosis occurs when the liver sustains substantial damage, and the liver cells are gradually replaced by scar tissue (see figure), which results in the inability of the liver to work properly. Some patients who develop cirrhosis may eventually require a liver transplant (surgery to remove the damaged liver and replace it with a “new” liver)."

A diagram showing the progression

A picture showing from L to R, normal liver, fatty liver, and cirrhosis liver

A really good website that explains this process very well can be found here: http://www.thelivercentre.com.au/development/fattyLiver/default.htm

So, in spite of the "Woe is me, the sky is falling" sound of this post, a fatty liver can resolve itself, and be absolutely harmless. - But on top of every other damn thing in my life right now, it wasn't welcome news... so there you have it - The REST of the story!